In case you didn’t know I made a promise at the start of the year to myself. If I’m not able to at least start recovering from my mental problems and move back to Ohio I would off myself.
I wasn’t joking.
Hmmm Christmas Eve night or New Year’s Eve night???
I know I want to bleed somehow…and write “because fuck you, that’s why” somewhere nearby in blood.
I’m also going to stop talking my meds because….HA what is the point? They don’t work anyways and I’m going to have to stop taking them anyways when my family makes me discontinue my therapist’s contract with me. “Even though we have never met him, we don’t like him. And he costs too much and we don’t like how angry and bitchy and rude your new meds make you we know better than he does!”
Maybe if I tell him I’ve been fantasizing about killing myself and/or my family he’ll institutionalize me. I don’t care. All I know is I have stopped eating because who cares, and I don’t feel like boo hoo’ing or begging for recovery anymore. Let the man go “save” someone who can saved. Tired of crying myself to sleep and sobbing into a dark room like a child, “….why…..why won’t anyone help me….? Please someone help me…..” Oh please do shut it….no one cares, Jess. No one has ever cared and no one ever will. Those who say they do have their own agenda. Get that through your fat ugly skull already.
So should I give my family a WONDERFUL Christmas present/surprise this year, or just fade away silently and before the new year?
1 week ago with 3 notes